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Feb. 12th, 2007 @ 04:31 pm ...lifeeeeee?
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Who knows whats going on right now.


Im not as down as I was a few months ago.
Not even close to how I was in highschool.




Ive had a LOT of time to think about things, and I still havnt really figured things out.

I know this much:
1. Im going to go to school for art. MCAD to be exact.
2. I am not, have never been, and hope I never will be depressed.
3. Relationships arent for me at this time in my life.

So far thats it, but compared to 9 months ago, thats a lot more than I had.



Its my little brothers birthday today.
Seems like my family is not doing anything for anyone this year.
Whatever, I had my party, and it was the time of my life.
No family involved.

HAh. David actually just came in here and gave me a WoW mouse pad and said "Happy Birthday"
I love him.
Honestly. I dont know what I would do without my little brother.
Oct. 2nd, 2006 @ 11:07 am
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I feel like a complete failure.
And its different from every other time Ive felt useless.

I have problems feeling like Im accomplishing anything with the classes Im taking, I havnt done anything artistic in months, I cant even talk to anyone about it.
Everything I thought I was good at has gone and oh, I dont know. Im feeling like theres nothing left that I can do.

I tried to tell my mom that I dont want to continue taking classes. She freaked of course. But I cant do well in them if I dont have any want to do well. I almost feel like my mom just made me take classes so that she could say her daughter was in school after gradutating highshool.

My mom pushes me to do things too much. And I think Ive only discovered that recently. I think Im becoming more independant? But that could just be my immagination.

Im really having a bad time. Im lonely, uninspired and feeling like a total burden. At times I just want to cry, but that doesnt help anything, and just makes me feel worse.
What I really need is someone to talk to. Like a friend. But of course, my friends are all gone, theres no one left here for me to talk to.

And dont even start with the whole "making friends is easy" stuff. Because for me, its not. I cant just go into a room full of people and be all "hi, how are you?"
My mentality doenst let me do that.

Im a loner, and its mostly my fault. But things like that are hard to change.
Sep. 23rd, 2006 @ 02:55 pm checkit. Hair party.
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( piccie )

ohyes.
my hair kicksit

its a party on my head
Sep. 14th, 2006 @ 08:35 pm wow.
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yea
wow.
months???
yessss....

IM BORED OUT OF MY MIND.
College is pretty lame
ive made 3 friends.
sortof.

I dont have a job, i dont have a hobby, i dont do my homework.
Im pretty much the lamest person youll meet.

IMISSNATALIEKONTZLIKENOOTHER
T__________________________T
i dont think ive gone out in 3 weeks.
basically because i have no friends.


i dont have anything more to say.
Jul. 20th, 2006 @ 11:08 am
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Current Mood Swing: confusedconfused
Sound of the day: Michael Buble- Come Fly With Me




So. Pauls back home
For a few more days.
Then he leaves for boot camp on Sunday.

Ive got a real hard time deciding weather im happy abou this or not.

I really really really dislike him
It seems like everytime he says something to me, he cant help but make it into a fight, no matter what I say.
He changes everything I do.
Like when he uses the computer, after being gone for a week and a half, and me being the only one using it, so Id basically made it my own little space, with the blinds that are halfway broken down so it doesnt glare on the screen and my stuff sorta strewn around. Oh. and the new chair.
He comes back, and while im still asleep in the morning, takes all of my stuff, throws it on my bed, goes and BREAKS the blinds. LIke pulls them out of the wall. also removes the new chair from the room and swithces it with the old one.

None of the stuff was really bothering him.
And its not like he was going to be on the computer for more than 30 minutes.
So it seems to me, that it was all done out of spite of me.


But hes still my brother.
And hes going to boot camp.


I think Im more happy about this than sad.
Is that a bad thing?
Am I a bad person for wanting him to be out of the house, with no care of where he goes?



>>.
ANYWAY.
AnimeIowa is in like. 2 weeks.
Im fuckin skrewed.
Ive gotta style 4 wigs, 3 of them not being mine.
I also have to finish my costumes. And my brothers.
I am so skrewed.
Jul. 11th, 2006 @ 03:25 pm
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haha.
just ...
ignore that.
Jun. 28th, 2006 @ 11:15 am
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Sound of the day: MUSE- Knights of Cydonia
awlkfjeljkngv
IM MAD AT YOU LJ.
Jun. 24th, 2006 @ 08:40 pm
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X|
I AM B_O_R_E_D.
Playing around with the idea of getting my lip pierced...
And i need a new hairstyle.
And color.
Went out and took some better pictures of my cosplay.




I really need to get driving.
I desparately want to practice, but theres NEVER a car home that i can drive...
And when there is, no one is home that can go with me.
or its nighttime.
Today my mum wanted me to drive the van intown.
But the breaks are dying.
like . grinding.
and im like "ewno."
THen whenever my i complain about not being able to do anything my parents proceed to tell me that i need to drive.
I CAAANT DAMMIT. theres NEVEr anything to drive, NEver a chance for me to practice.
THey should just buy me a car, then i could learn on it and not have to adjust to a different car when i have to take the driving test.
AUGHHHH. predicaments.

I get a phone in a month.
then amonth after that, Ill get a new one.
(:
T is happeh.
ZOMG. AI IS IN LIKE LESS THAN 2MONTHS.
Jun. 3rd, 2006 @ 01:44 pm
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Sound of the day: magna carta : rain
hodam i shouldve been a model.


So IM WICKED BORED.
and i dont like most of my school friends anymore.
theyre all pretty lame..
BUT NAT WILL ALWAYS BE LOVED.
because she doesnt leave me, or say mean things (well she does.. but she means love by them.. >>), and isnt twofaced,
or anyof that other bad stuff that my other friends have turned out to be.
HOW LAME.
im horridly lonely, david doesnt want me to go around with him, hes embarrassed by me apparently.
so ive been at home for this long week.
cept for the day i spent with nat (<3)
and its way too boring.
litterally, ive been bored to tears.
when im bored, i think, and when i think, i get depressed.
therefore being bored makes me cry.
im LAME zomg.


i should count how many hours i spend on the computer during this next week.
now THAT would show how lame i am....
May. 31st, 2006 @ 09:11 am
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I really should update this more often...
NATALIE KONTZ I LOVE YOU AND WHEN YOU LEAVE FOR COLLEGE IM GOING TO CRY AND YOURE GOING TO HAVE TO VISIT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE OR ELSE I THINK I MIGHT DIE...
(shift... XD)

I graduated WHO KNEW!
my moms makin me go and apply for this job at read photography, editing photos no less.
its too early.
my eyes hurt.
Im HUNGREH.
oh. and my brother stole my belt . . .
what a ho.

Ive been drawing a little more. i like it :D i dont think i actually knew how much i loved drawing. and now. im good at it again
NAT- i think Ms T turned my creativity OFF.
it sucked.
Not being able to draw or paint or color whatever i wanted and try my hardest just to please HER.
it really has a damper on ones creativity.


I think Im done rambling now.
WAITno.
David wants me to make him a Pyramid head costume, and Ash, from Army of Darkness.
XD im looking forward to making the chainsaw arm...